Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
