hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Randomize
