When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
