never play flip cup with pint glasses
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
