I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm way too hungover for life right now
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
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