I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
