how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
