He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
