I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
