im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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