no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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