I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
