you have to choose: penises or morals?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
