Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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