ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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