you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
