ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
