weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
