ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
