My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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