i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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