Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
