Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
