First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
