why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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