My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
