Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
