How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Randomize
