I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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