I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
my god I love twenty year old dicks
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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