i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
My vagina is officially offended.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
