his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
