I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
This girl is more easily done than said...
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
