At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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