Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
