I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize
