Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
