Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
