My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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