sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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