I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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