I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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