Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
why do cheetos always look like penises
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
