were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
