just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
