Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
