I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
