Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
