Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
