Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize