The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
