wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
