I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize