Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
