So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
