maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
