Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize
