I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
