Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
