I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Someone came in the potted fern
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
