Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
My vagina just clenched in fear
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
