You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
