I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
