Redeem this text for a blowjob
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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