Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
