so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
