Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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