he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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