There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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