Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
