ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
