there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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