I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
