Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
