so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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