I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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