He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
