i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
The chlamydia really affected his face.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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