the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
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