I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
