The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
