i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
True but thats because hes a fetus.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
