dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
my phone needs a breathalizer
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize