Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
