I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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