i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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