College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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