how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
