I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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