Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
