He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
