Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
