Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
