ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
