i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
