When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
