if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
