I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
