sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
