why didn't you poke me back
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Randomize
