I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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