peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
pray to the hookup gods
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
