The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize