Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
