Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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