I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
