You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
